Friends With Benefits: “I Just CORN Guys”

 

Dang, that sounds kinda…not right as an article title. But I shall proceed nonetheless! This sitcom isn’t that great – as evidenced by its Friday evening time slot – but I’ve been enjoying it. Last week’s episode of Friends With Benefits had two quotes that I really liked, and I think my readers might like them too:

Tonight is going to be the first date in a long, fulfilling love affair. Fancy doctor, manly paramedic…I mean, is Nicholas Sparks writing my life?! 

Let’s hope not, because if Nicholas Sparks is writing your life, somebody’s gonna die soon. Probably either your love interest or your kid, or (if you’re really lucky) both! Sorry if I’ve spoiled any of his books/movies for anyone, but they all share some basic depressing plot points. That being said, I do enjoy his work most of the time.

Riley: L.E.G.S. Lame Excuse To Get Some. It’s how girls put out booty call invitations without feeling like huge sluts.

Sara: And you do this?

Riley: Nah, I don’t have the “feel like a slut gene”. I just CORN guys. You know, Come Over Right Now!

This probably only made me laugh because “Corn” has been a nickname assigned to me many times over the years. Sometimes it was mean-spirited, like when my 3rd grade crush called me Corina Corn Nut. Other times it’s just funny, like how all my former coworkers called me variations on Corn – Cornucopia, Cornography, etc. Anyway, I’m pretty excited to discover that my nickname is also an acronym for whoring around. That last sentence was not even slightly sarcastic, btw, though I know my dad will point out that it ain’t whorin’ if you ain’t getting paid. This might just be so he can tell his hormone joke, though. (How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her!)

This part also reminded me of the scene in How I Met Your Mother, when Zoe invites Ted over to “bake cookies”, and Robin says:

Guys booty call girls after 2am with a drunkenly slurred “Whatcha doin’?”, but when a lady booty calls a guy, she invents a respectable excuse to mask the fact that she wants to get stuck, real good. It’s called class, Ted.

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