I don’t know! My life turned out like a really good game of MASH.

-Nick Cannon, Mr. Showbiz stand up comedy special, answering the question “How in the hell did you get Mariah Carey?”

This makes me happy. Nick Cannon married Mariah Carey, had 2 kids (twins!), lives in a mansion, and drives a sports car. I hope MASH doesn’t actually dictate real life, though, because I always ended up married to the kid in my class that ate boogers, having like 4,000 children, living in a cardboard box, and “driving” a broken vacuum cleaner around town. WTF.