Slut Shamin’ to the Oldies!

This is only like 50 years late, so hell, I’m going to say something. Specifically, WTF Dion? I know these songs were originally intended to be performed by two different groups, but Dion ended up singing “Runaround Sue” and “Wanderer”. So he’s gonna get the heat for it! I know, watch out, right? 

First, let’s learn a bit more about what type of guy he considers himself to be:

Oh well, I’m the type of guy who will never settle down
Where pretty girls are, well you know that I’m around
I kiss ’em and I love’ em ’cause to me they’re all the same
I hug ’em and I squeeze ’em they don’t even know my name
They call me the wanderer, yeah the wanderer
I roam around-around-around

I’m the type of guy that likes to roam around
I’m never in one place, I roam from town to town
And when I find myself I’m a-fallin’ for some girl
Yeah, I hop right into that car of mine
I drive around the world

Nothing to see folks, just commitment phobia and a predilection towards casual romance. Standard stuff, right? That’s what you would think, but let’s here what he has to say about his female doppelgänger:

Here’s my story, it’s sad but true
It’s about a girl that I once knew
She took my love then ran around
With every single guy in town

She likes to travel around, yeah
She’ll love you and she’ll put you down
Now people let me put you wise
Sue goes out with other guys

Ask any fool that she ever knew
They’ll say keep away from-a Runaround Sue

I’m no expert, but I’m betting Sue left your ass because you were wandering all the damn time. Not to mention using your intoxicating vocals to slut-shame the only girl likely to put up with your shit. Oh Dion, if only I could turn you off. I wish I didn’t enjoy your smooth, sweet, sexist songs quite so much…

Thank you for joining me tonight – this concludes our evening of criticizing long-ago pop stars for lyrics that express the prevalent social views of their generation. Tune in next time when I give Elvis some shit about being a “Hound Dog” and a visitor at the “Heartbreak Hotel”!

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