Big Sexy, Episode 2: Wherein We Discuss Fat Bitches

First off, I realize I’m like two weeks behind on this review. The fourth episode is airing tonight and I don’t have the review of the third episode done, not to mention that I’m just now posting this! Second, I’m not really a fan of the phrase “fat bitches”, but it really was part of the episode’s theme. I guess some women are taking the power out of that phrase by using it personally? Idk. But this particular episode was packed full of incredible quotes that really resonated with me. Plus a few that I disagreed with, of course. Read on for details!

In this episode we meet plus size comedienne Erica Watson, aka my new favorite person. I think I wrote down every word she said because it was all so very quote-worthy. She comes to Leslie’s store to find an outfit for her comedy show, Fat Bitch. They discuss men, and Erica shares her secrets for finding guys:

Erica: Honestly, this may sound weird, but I’ve been meeting a lot of cute guys at coffee shops and libraries.

Heather: Wait – the library?

Erica: Smart penises in the library girl! You don’t want a dumb penis.

Leslie: So do you approach guys, or do they approach you?

Erica: I don’t like to approach men – I can’t do it..

Leslie: Me neither!

Erica: Plus size girls, they feel like they have to be the aggressor, but not me. If he wants you, he’ll come, that’s what I say.

When Leslie mentions their recent attendance at the BBW singles event, Erica notes that some “in particular prey upon larger women instead of celebrating them”. That is certainly true, but I think it’s probably similar for any sort of singles event, and any sort of woman?

Next up is a girl’s night in, with men and sex being the main topics of conversation. When asked about her ideal guy, Tiffany responds “The ideal guy? Breathing, has all his teeth…” When pushed for a serious answer, she responds:

Tiffany: I’ve been very open-minded to like, packages…like in the past year or so. I’m used to dating, like, one type of guy, so now I’m like ok, all ethnicities, all ages…all packages

Heather: All packages?

Nikki: Wait so if you’re opening yourself up to all kinds of packages, does that mean you’re fine with little packages, big packages…?

Tiffany: No! You can return that to UPS, I don’t want a small package!

So the ladies are upset when guys turn them down based on their size, but they’re alright with turning down guys based on their package size. It seems a little hypocritical, no? I totally understand both sides of this argument, and in fact am not 100% sure where I stand. I’ve always said that it’s not fair to be angry with someone for not being attracted to you. Some men simply cannot find anything sexy about a curvy woman, and that’s their prerogative. Similarly, some women can’t find anything sexy about a small package, and that’s their prerogative. (click “read more” at right for the rest)

I suppose you could make the case that package size is more important to sexual fulfillment than amount of fat, but I think that depends on the individual/s in question. It’s also worth noting that a plus-size woman has many options to pursue in attempts to lose weight. They might not be successful, but there are things that you can at least try. Not so many options for the small packaged gentleman that wants a larger delivery, know what I mean?

Tiffany – the boy crazy one – tells it like it is regarding sex with a plus size woman. She notes:

Tiffany: It takes a special kind of guy to know how to maneuver a plus size body. There’s like, extra stuff going on, you have to be…

Leslie: You can’t be afraid

Tiffany: You cannot be afraid! You have to go in like, head first….literally

I see her point, but would like to specify that plus size women don’t have any extra parts or anything. Maybe some extra curves or rolls, but not like a second set of breasts to deal with. Tiffany candidly explains:

If you’re strong then you can lift me and twirl me around and back me up against a wall. Yeah, I can do those things, I just need a little support. Can’t a girl get some support?!

There is an element of sex that requires physical strength, and if you’re going to be lifting (or twirling) a plus size woman, you need a little more muscle than the guy who is lifting and twirling a size 2. That’s just common sense.

Next, the Big Sexies decide to take matters into their own hands, and they throw their own singles party. They are concerned about the caliber of men that may show up, so they hold interviews. Mainly they are trying to avoid guys like the one shown above, who had a girlfriend but came to a singles event to get laid.

Can I just say that I would really love having the option to interview a guy in this manner before seeing him at a dating event? But this portion of the show really made it clear that these women are just as judgemental as the people who judge them. To be clear – a plus size woman should not settle for anything less than her ideal, just because she is overweight.

That being said, I think their standards are excluding plenty of nice, normal, funny guys. All of the guys that showed up to the interview happened to be black, which was surprising to some of the ladies and not at all surprising to the rest of us. In my experience, black guys and Mexican/Latin guys (I’m not sure of the appropriate, non-offensive titles, so I hope those labels were alright) are much more accepting of plus size women than white guys are, as a whole.

For example, the first hot guy said that he likes to “feel like I’m with one of my boys, I like to watch UFC fighting”. The ladies are quite distressed at this, noting that they don’t want to be one of the boys (or watch UFC). That’s fine, but is it really so strange for a guy to want a girl that he can relax and hang out with? If my boyfriend said that hanging out with me was like hanging out with his boys, I would be flattered. As long as he’s discussing stuff that happens outside of the bedroom, I’m a-ok with that statement. The next guy, when asked about his preferences, said “somebody I can have fun with, nice chest, nice butt…like to have fun with it sometimes.” The Big Sexy ladies immediately dismissed this gentleman as a pervert, which seemed pretty harsh to me.

Every heterosexual or bisexual man has a part of the female anatomy that they love and want to have fun with. Preferences in size and shape will vary from guy to guy, but there isn’t a sexually active man alive who doesn’t want to have fun with at least one part the female body. (Substitute male body for gay and bisexual guys as needed) He might be hoping to find a set of A cups and a flat booty, but he’s still gonna want to be all up in that. That doesn’t make him a pervert, that makes him a human being.

I wonder if it would have been ok if he specified that he likes to have fun with the vagina? Perhaps the women are just really not cool with even a hint of interest towards rear insertion? Most guys know not to mention that on the first meeting, but again, this isn’t exactly a singular event. Millions of men out there are secretly and not so secretly wishing they could play with their girl’s butt in that way. You don’t have to like it – or let them – but dismissing any guy with an interest in anal is a good way to eliminate a large part of your available dating pool.

My point is, though, that he didn’t even say that! For all they know he just wants a handful of nice ass, and can you blame him? I always try to turn things around and see how they would come across if the genders were reversed. If guys were interviewing me for a singles event, would it be weird if I said that I like “nice butt, nice package….like to have fun with it sometimes”? Because, not gonna lie, that would be a true statement. I think most men would be just fine with hearing that?

Later, she says:

When I think about how much time I wasted being in relationships that were bad…that was me just getting sucked into this belief that I wasn’t as good as other people, because I was fat.

This is sad but true – fat people are generally seen as some kind of second class citizen. People see you and think that if you had more discipline, you would be skinny. Or they look and see your fat, and get angry that you’re using their tax dollars to treat obesity related medical conditions. Never mind that many of us can’t even get approved for health insurance because fat is a “pre-existing condition”; perhaps if we had access to basic healthcare it would help a bit. Or they just get grossed out by just looking at you. Because you = gross to them, they think that should be kept out of their vision. They seem themselves as the people who have been wronged, and forced to endure disgusting visions of plus size people doing things like walking, eating, kissing, living. I think it must be sad (and stressful) to be so hateful towards so many people every day!

Back to the phrase “fat bitch”. Erica breaks it down nicely:

A guy comes up to me at the club and asks for my number, and I don’t want to give it to him, what do I hear? ‘Fuck you, you fat ugly bitch’. If you’ve been called fat all your life, you either let it defeat you, or you own it and prove that you are more than just fat.

Alright, finally we arrive at Erica Watson’s Fat Bitch show. This was probably my favorite quote from the entire hour:

Believe it or not, life is hard for fat girls with pretty faces. When you’re a big girl and you’re cute, all you do is piss the world off – especially men! They’re so mad at you with that pretty face on a body that doesn’t deserve it. It’s like for most of the world my beauty starts here (puts hand above forehead) and ends here (puts hand below chin). For some of the fellas it might end here…(puts hand below cleavage).

I have felt like this all of my life without realizing it. I’ve had guys hardcore flirt with me, and then suddenly become mean, angry men that say horrible things about my weight. When I asked one of them about it, he made a vague reference to being attracted to me but not my body. Which is fine, but not really reason for him to be personally angry with me. I think it’s similar for smart fat girls, and funny fat girls. Guys get pissed because you’re the perfect girl for them, except for this fatty package you’re surrounded by. Maybe they get angry with themselves for having a brief moment of attraction to a big girl? I don’t know. I’m not as liberated as Erica Watson – I’m not comfortable being labeled a “fat bitch” by anyone, not even myself – but I love what she has to say. I will touch on more of the confidence and relationship issues whenever I manage to recap episode 3 (probably a week or 2 late!). Hope you enjoyed, please share your thoughts in the comments…

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