That was the description/episode title for the premier airing of Lifetime’s new show “Love Handles: Couples In Crisis”. That statement was also the only reason I bothered tuning in. Why would that attract me? Because, unfortunately, I’ve heard similar things before. So I gave this show a whirl, fully prepared to hate and despise the man who uttered that phrase. I do, by the way, loathe him quite a bit. He seems like a jackass who never considered that perhaps his lovely bride never planned on marrying a fat GUY. Apparently the fact that he gained 55-60 pounds compared to her 45 pound gain was not important. He also noted “If Meg gains more weight, the relationship is over.” So, you know, altogether he seems like a peach. I got the impression that he was using her weight as an excuse for not proposing, and was ultimately just sticking with her until a better (ie thinner) prospect came along. But he did propose in the end, so I had to revise my thoughts a bit. (I still think that relationship is doomed, but whatever).
So then I tried to see things from his point of view. Meg and Jay got together when they were both smaller, and gained weight over the course of their relationship. So, from one perspective, neither of them are getting what they originally signed up for. I know quite a few couples where one person is overweight, but I know very, very few that began that way. To this day I can only think of 3 examples where “normal” sized guys began a relationship with a plus size woman, or vice versa. Growing up as a not-small girl, I had a tough time believing that any guy could possibly be attracted to an overweight woman. Curvy, thick, BBW, chubby, whatever, I could not fathom that such a body type would inspire lust in anyone.
Thankfully, I was wrong about that. If you ever doubt this like I did, here is a suggestion – turn off your Google safe mode search. Just a peek into the world of pornography online reveals millions of pictures, videos, and websites devoted exclusively to sexual activities with larger ladies. Not only that, but many of them are extremely large. Not just kinda chubby, or womanly, but morbidly obese to the point of being a danger to themselves. I don’t think it’s a good thing for someone to be turned on by a person who is dangerously over/under weight, but I will admit to finding a certain sort of comfort in knowing that they’re out there. I’m trying to phrase all of this as tactfully as possible, but that’s sometimes a challenge when referencing porn.
So, now I am fully convinced that there are men – and women – who prefer fat girls. I don’t like defining myself as such, but let’s be real here. It’s not like it’s a secret or anything, right? Here’s the catch, though…I am still not convinced that there are men who want to marry fat girls. Being totally honest, I would say that when I’m looking my very, very best and feeling utterly confident, I think I’m a 10. Yes, a double-digit, super hottie, one to the zero watch out Bo Derrick TEN. Buuuut ONLY if you go for fat girls. If you like chubby white girls, I’m an excellent pick. If you think fat = ugly, then you would probably see me as, I dunno, a 1 or 2. Maybe a 4 or 5 if you were feeling generous. With all this in mind, I can say with confidence that many men have been attracted to me in the course of my life. I haven’t known many who actually want to date me, though, and therein lies the real complex I struggled with in college.
Have you ever heard of the scooter theory? It probably has a better, more clever name, but it was essentially explained as: scooters are fun to ride, but you don’t want your friends to see you on one. To most guys (according to this extra douchey example of most guys, anyway) a fat girl is just like a scooter. This was provided as justification for wanting to sleep with me but not take me on a date, btw. He said, in almost those exact words, that he never planned on dating a fat girl. Soul crushing, no?
Then there was the other guy. He was THAT guy for me, the one that screwed with my head. Every girl has one or two. Anyway, he was perfectly happy to be with me, but he never wanted to go on real dates or be my boyfriend or anything like that. I figured he was just enjoying the single life, and didn’t want a girlfriend. As it turns out, he did want a girlfriend – he just didn’t want it to be me. Over the five years of us knowing one another, off and on, he had several girlfriends during our off periods, but never wanted me as one of them. I tried to look at it logically, I really did. We had fun together, laughed all the time, had intelligent discussions about actual important issues, shared the same hobbies and couldn’t keep our hands off eachother. But for some reason that wasn’t enough for him, and I finally realized that I’m pretty sure it’s because I was actually too much for him. There was too much of me for him to want to be seen with.
Note – I’ve been pondering everything that I wrote in this post, and I have to admit that some of it isn’t fair. That guy might have been turned off by some other surprisingly annoying or embarrasing quality that I am currently oblivious to. Or maybe he just knew I wasn’t the one. Or maybe I seemed like I wanted something serious, and he was just dating casually. My gut still says he was embarrased to have a plus size girlfriend, but there are obviously all kinds of other factors that might have come into play. My personal favorite? I’m “too marriable”. That is a direct quote from an entirely different guy, which at the time I dismissed as bullshit. But I rather like the idea now, and I think I will just decide that every guy who has ever dumped me just realized that I was too marriable. More details in a post to follow. End of note!
Don’t worry everyone, I’ve been over him for a long, long time. But this show made me realize that on some level, I still doubt that men find fat women loveable. I hate it when I know something rationally but still feel that tiny bit of irrationality somewhere deep inside! I know that love-ability has literally nothing to do with weight, and I know that I’m going to end up married someday. But where did I get this idea that it was impossible? My parents did their part, of course, and the usual ravages of junior high and high school. I don’t like pointing fingers at anyone for my problems, though. I have traced several of my eating/weight issues back to concerns from my childhood, but I’ve been an adult for a long time now. I can’t blame my bad habits on anyone but myself. That being said, I do hold the media partially responsible. (Responsible for the general perception of fat = disgusting, not responsible for my own personal weight) Upon reflection, I’m having an extremely hard time coming up with examples of movie/TV characters that prefer plus size women. Not just are involved with them because they presumably can’t get anyone else, but actually prefer fat girls over thin ones. So far I’ve come up with just three! Three “hot guys” at least, and not just the dorky or weird friend character that can’t score so-called normal hot girls. So next up is a blog devoted to those guys, and I’m hoping to find some more. If anyone stuck out this post to the end, thanks for taking the time to stroll through my thoughts – I welcome your thoughts in return!
11 thoughts on ““I Never Planned On Marrying A Fat Girl””
I love this post, it’s brilliant and you could have been writing about me. I love the scooter analogy, sadly it’s true and I have probably been a scooter to a couple of guys. I do think guys that might be interested in a larger lady are a little scared to been seen with them though and just don’t bother trying to get to know them. I work in a large company and work with a lot of ladies around my age -48- that are/were single (for whatever reasons) and they don’t seem to have any trouble finding new partners/boyfriends but they are all slim whereas I am large. Or maybe there are other factors and I need to get out more.
There are normal(ish) guys that prefer larger women over normal sized women, it’s just that most men don’t fit that bill. I myself prefer plus-sized girls and after I was able to admit it to myself and not care what other people think as much, I’ve been a lot happier with my life. But the sad truth for bigger girls is that most men are not like me, and they prefer skinnier girls. It’s rather frustrating to hear absolutely gorgeous women put themselves down for being fat, or to hear them equate fatness with ugliness. It’s also saddening when guys make fun of bigger girls, which they do a lot.
Thank you so much for commenting! Please read my response to Rick, since it applies to you as well. You make a great point about how many men simply don’t prefer larger girls. That’s an obvious fact, but some people seem to miss that I don’t expect those men to change. I wouldn’t be able to suddenly change my personal preferences that I seek in a man, and I wouldn’t want or ask for anything different from anyone else. But it’s so nice to hear that there are men that prefer BBWs, and aren’t ashamed to say so. I really wish the incessant fat jokes in pop culture would calm down, but I guess that’s not a reasonable expectation in the very near future. Hopefully in years to come, though, that will change!
I’m what you would call a normal, average guy. I prefer, and have always preferred what is commonly called BBW or fat women. I didn’t evolve into this preference, it was, and is my preference. I think bigger women are more appealing, and are just down right sexy. To me, big women are normal, and not the oddity that Vogue has implied throughout time.
Thank you a million times for commenting. It’s been so great hearing from men that do prefer larger women, like yourself and the other commenter Guy. For many of us it is nearly impossible to believe that anyone could prefer that shape, and the only thing that makes it real is when people like yourself say something. You’re awesome :)
Yes, I reread your initial post and will again as there is a lot to reflect on.
A Vespa scooter is fun to ride and I have ridden one and people have seen me on one. For long term enjoyment though and for the long ride, I prefer a Harley Davidson. I don’t ride anymore because of bad knees and will consider a trike later on.
Where am I going with this if not to make a point. While the Vespa will be fun to ride on, my BBW gal would be more comfortable on the Harley and that’s the point. Being considerate for her. This goes along with opening doors for her and other things that let her know she’s a lady. Taking her with you when you’re out in public so she knows you’re not ashamed of her. This goes both ways though. Her not being ashamed to be with a skinny guy that will draw attention to her size.
The point continues as I explore this. Even though my lady would be even more comfortable on the trike, the world around us would see some perversion. Fat woman needs to be hauled around on a three wheel motorcycle. Not taking into consideration, that it was me who needed the trike and not her.
If not most people, people just won’t or don’t want to see beyond their prejudices or beyond their preconceived idea of what normal is. While my preference is big beautiful women, it doesn’t stop there. It’s not for the sake of satisfying some peculiar desire for larger women, that is only one of the many facets I look at.
Do her eyes sparkle, does she have a beautiful smile, does she stand proud, is she kind, is she intelligent and can she engage my mind. Most important though, is she honest, does she like intimacy, is there chemistry, does she excite me. Yes, all the things I would expect of a skinny woman. However, my preference is a woman who is also pleasing to my eyes. My eyes, not someone else’s eyes. Big beautiful women are more appealing to me.
I found your writings to be both witty and thought provoking, as a plus size girl who is a tight fitting 16 at 5’9, but once exercised and healthily ate myself to a size 8. (100 lbs ago). Ive seen and felt it all. Did men respond to me when i was thinner… heck yeah. Some still do now, but they act as if I should be thankful or surprised at their admission that Im actually attractive. I know my delf worth is vompletely wrapped up in my weight but ofcourse it is. Theres always going to be one or a few men whp enjoy my larger size, but its usuallynot men who hold much weight in good exercise and health..to be hypocritical. When i was at my size 8 self, I wouldnt even consider dating an unfit male, or even a an who had once been fat. How shallow…. i know! I couldn’t help it. Looking back, I think it was my fear of meating someone who wasnt as dedicated to being fit as me… and what if i too got fat??? Theres been a few hot guys in my past who liked me, but asked me to gain weight… but those men were so few….im married now to a man who loved me at 190… and he was fit and younger, we both need to lose weight now…but its true love. Yes my hisband is more attracted to me fit and thin but love looks beyond flesh.
I can’t even fathom a man wanting me to GAIN weight. I think I would be worried that he had crossed over into fetish territory. I have no objections to fetishes in general, but I don’t want anyone to be with me just because I have a trait that they fetishize. Know what I mean? I don’t want some guy trying to plump me up like I’m a chicken ready to be chopped.
I’m really happy to hear that you found a good guy and married him! Ultimately we all are going to get old and not as hot as we are now, so you might as well plan for the long haul and love someone for what’s inside. Of course physical attraction is important, but I think it is on the same level as other, inner traits – not above.
I realize this post is old but this is sort of a topic that never falls out of relevance. I’m also a “normal” guy that’s quite fit (Have done event modeling for charity) and I’ve always preferred women on the larger side, and I’ve never really paid any attention to the “equality” argument that one should be attracted to someone with the same fitness level as yourself, all that should matter is what _you_ prefer.
Great blog post! You should be happy with who you are but you should equally never settle for being less than who you could be.
“I’m having an extremely hard time coming up with examples of movie/TV characters that prefer plus size women. ”
Watch ‘The Mindy Project.’.
I’ll start with this as long as her weight doesn’t pose health issues it’s not an issue.
It’s not if she’ll loose 5 pounds, get cuter shoes, cuter dresses, cuter hair cuts or cuter whatever that matters it’s her mouth and attitude that makes the difference.
Women seem to focus on these things to get and keep a guy when the real problems are in their thought process, behavior and mouth.
Those other things are easy to change the ones that I’m more interested in are harder to change.
If she’s the type of women that you describe lots of guys will overlook a mouth and an attitude, but not if she doesn’t look like those women.
Me personally the lack of weight and great looks isn’t enough to get me to put up with a mouth and sucky attitude.
I’d rather be alone.