That was the description/episode title for the premier airing of Lifetime’s new show “Love Handles: Couples In Crisis”. That statement was also the only reason I bothered tuning in. Why would that attract me? Because, unfortunately, I’ve heard similar things before. So I gave this show a whirl, fully prepared to hate and despise the man who uttered that phrase. I do, by the way, loathe him quite a bit. He seems like a jackass who never considered that perhaps his lovely bride never planned on marrying a fat GUY. Apparently the fact that he gained 55-60 pounds compared to her 45 pound gain was not important. He also noted “If Meg gains more weight, the relationship is over.” So, you know, altogether he seems like a peach. I got the impression that he was using her weight as an excuse for not proposing, and was ultimately just sticking with her until a better (ie thinner) prospect came along. But he did propose in the end, so I had to revise my thoughts a bit. (I still think that relationship is doomed, but whatever).
So then I tried to see things from his point of view. Meg and Jay got together when they were both smaller, and gained weight over the course of their relationship. So, from one perspective, neither of them are getting what they originally signed up for. I know quite a few couples where one person is overweight, but I know very, very few that began that way. To this day I can only think of 3 examples where “normal” sized guys began a relationship with a plus size woman, or vice versa. Growing up as a not-small girl, I had a tough time believing that any guy could possibly be attracted to an overweight woman. Curvy, thick, BBW, chubby, whatever, I could not fathom that such a body type would inspire lust in anyone.
Thankfully, I was wrong about that. If you ever doubt this like I did, here is a suggestion – turn off your Google safe mode search. Just a peek into the world of pornography online reveals millions of pictures, videos, and websites devoted exclusively to sexual activities with larger ladies. Not only that, but many of them are extremely large. Not just kinda chubby, or womanly, but morbidly obese to the point of being a danger to themselves. I don’t think it’s a good thing for someone to be turned on by a person who is dangerously over/under weight, but I will admit to finding a certain sort of comfort in knowing that they’re out there. I’m trying to phrase all of this as tactfully as possible, but that’s sometimes a challenge when referencing porn.
So, now I am fully convinced that there are men – and women – who prefer fat girls. I don’t like defining myself as such, but let’s be real here. It’s not like it’s a secret or anything, right? Here’s the catch, though…I am still not convinced that there are men who want to marry fat girls. Being totally honest, I would say that when I’m looking my very, very best and feeling utterly confident, I think I’m a 10. Yes, a double-digit, super hottie, one to the zero watch out Bo Derrick TEN. Buuuut ONLY if you go for fat girls. If you like chubby white girls, I’m an excellent pick. If you think fat = ugly, then you would probably see me as, I dunno, a 1 or 2. Maybe a 4 or 5 if you were feeling generous. With all this in mind, I can say with confidence that many men have been attracted to me in the course of my life. I haven’t known many who actually want to date me, though, and therein lies the real complex I struggled with in college.
Have you ever heard of the scooter theory? It probably has a better, more clever name, but it was essentially explained as: scooters are fun to ride, but you don’t want your friends to see you on one. To most guys (according to this extra douchey example of most guys, anyway) a fat girl is just like a scooter. This was provided as justification for wanting to sleep with me but not take me on a date, btw. He said, in almost those exact words, that he never planned on dating a fat girl. Soul crushing, no?
Then there was the other guy. He was THAT guy for me, the one that screwed with my head. Every girl has one or two. Anyway, he was perfectly happy to be with me, but he never wanted to go on real dates or be my boyfriend or anything like that. I figured he was just enjoying the single life, and didn’t want a girlfriend. As it turns out, he did want a girlfriend – he just didn’t want it to be me. Over the five years of us knowing one another, off and on, he had several girlfriends during our off periods, but never wanted me as one of them. I tried to look at it logically, I really did. We had fun together, laughed all the time, had intelligent discussions about actual important issues, shared the same hobbies and couldn’t keep our hands off eachother. But for some reason that wasn’t enough for him, and I finally realized that I’m pretty sure it’s because I was actually too much for him. There was too much of me for him to want to be seen with.
Note – I’ve been pondering everything that I wrote in this post, and I have to admit that some of it isn’t fair. That guy might have been turned off by some other surprisingly annoying or embarrasing quality that I am currently oblivious to. Or maybe he just knew I wasn’t the one. Or maybe I seemed like I wanted something serious, and he was just dating casually. My gut still says he was embarrased to have a plus size girlfriend, but there are obviously all kinds of other factors that might have come into play. My personal favorite? I’m “too marriable”. That is a direct quote from an entirely different guy, which at the time I dismissed as bullshit. But I rather like the idea now, and I think I will just decide that every guy who has ever dumped me just realized that I was too marriable. More details in a post to follow. End of note!
Don’t worry everyone, I’ve been over him for a long, long time. But this show made me realize that on some level, I still doubt that men find fat women loveable. I hate it when I know something rationally but still feel that tiny bit of irrationality somewhere deep inside! I know that love-ability has literally nothing to do with weight, and I know that I’m going to end up married someday. But where did I get this idea that it was impossible? My parents did their part, of course, and the usual ravages of junior high and high school. I don’t like pointing fingers at anyone for my problems, though. I have traced several of my eating/weight issues back to concerns from my childhood, but I’ve been an adult for a long time now. I can’t blame my bad habits on anyone but myself. That being said, I do hold the media partially responsible. (Responsible for the general perception of fat = disgusting, not responsible for my own personal weight) Upon reflection, I’m having an extremely hard time coming up with examples of movie/TV characters that prefer plus size women. Not just are involved with them because they presumably can’t get anyone else, but actually prefer fat girls over thin ones. So far I’ve come up with just three! Three “hot guys” at least, and not just the dorky or weird friend character that can’t score so-called normal hot girls. So next up is a blog devoted to those guys, and I’m hoping to find some more. If anyone stuck out this post to the end, thanks for taking the time to stroll through my thoughts – I welcome your thoughts in return!