Barney’s 3 Day Rule

Jesus waited THREE days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited ONE day, a lot of people wouldn’t have even heard he died. They’d be all, “Hey Jesus, what up?” and Jesus would probably be like, “What up? I DIED yesterday!” and they’d be all, “Uhh, you look pretty alive to me, dude…” and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude’d be like “Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro…”

And he’s not gonna come back on a SATURDAY. Everybody’s busy, doing chores, workin’ the loom, trimmin’ the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, THREE. Plus it’s SUNDAY, so everyone’s in church already, and they’re all in there like “Oh no, Jesus is DEAD”, and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin’ up the aisle, everyone’s totally psyched, and FYI, that’s when he invented the high five. That’s why we wait three days to call a woman, because that’s how long Jesus wants us to wait…. True story

Well first off, LOLOL. Barney’s 3 day rule explanation makes me so happy. Also I did a big stretch of Easter writing recently so I’m feeling particularly favorable towards alternate interpretations these days. I guess it’s as logical as any other “wait X number of days before calling” dating rules, no? It’s faster than most of the guys in Swingers, at least, so I’m on board. Oh Vince Vaughn, how I miss your sexy Swingers swagger. He was so hot then, amiright? (true story!)

With thanks to the following for pics:

martyghiri.tumblr, fuckyeahbarney.tumblr, allthisbliss.livejournal

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