Sorry to say but the whole world is an earthquake It tips and topples and forces hearts to break But water will find its own level And fires will slowly subside The balance will be restored It’s only a matter … Continue reading Hold On, But Let Yourself Sway
You hide your wisdom behind wide eyes Why do you insist on feigning surprise? You think you look so cute and fragile Why do you wear that silly fake smile? You seem to believe that it will impress Why do … Continue reading Why Do You Hide?
Not me, actually, right now. But thank you for your concern, if you clicked through because you thought that I was upset! I’m actually referencing a quote from Grey’s Anatomy that has stuck with me. I saw this article on theFrisky today, and it got me to thinking about crying in public. In “Girl Talk: Everyone Saw Me Cry“, Maude Standish recounts her recent experience with tears at a wedding. She made a solid observation that also cracked me up when she noted that:
I’m not particularly religious, but I have read through the entire Bible. This happened when I was considering different religions, and also in college for some classes. Since I was a kid, though, this has been the part that really bothered me. Genesis, chapter 3, wherein Adam and Eve are punished for partaking of the fruit. I just don’t think it’s fair that the average man is no longer sweating in the field trying to tame the earth, but the average woman is still screaming each time she pushes out a baby. Or, in places where the average man is still working the earth, the average woman is expected to help. But, still no guys experiencing the painful miracle that is childbirth. Here are two versions of the text to consider: Continue reading “My First Point of Contention with the Bible”
I’m not sure why, but I feel like any mention of skills of any kind requires “y’all” at the end. I sorta imagine Britney Spears saying it, though I don’t know why. Anyway, I finally took the coveted title of … Continue reading Even MORE Caption Skills, Y’all
Click here for a compilation of all the clues and theories about The Mother!
“So fat, after you have sex with it, you don’t tell your buddies about it…”
“Over 200 women, spanning six continents, 17 nationalities, 74 sexual positions, and not a single fatty. It’s impressive.”
Quotes like these make it difficult for me to enjoy HIMYM sometimes. How I Met Your Mother is easily one of my very favorite TV shows. I saw every episode when it originally aired, and I watch the reruns all the time. I like to have them on as background noise when I’m reading or writing. Anyway, I’ve got major love for this show, but I do take exception with the constant references to how undesirable overweight women are. Based on all of these quotes, it’s pretty clear that there’s no way the mother will be fat. I think we all assumed that anyway, since fat leading ladies aren’t the norm on sitcoms. Plus there is other evidence that she is slender/skinny, but that’s not my point today. My point is that I would enjoy this show even more if it didn’t frequently insult people just like me for the sake of comedy. We get it – fat women are HILARIOUS and deserve to be mocked and disregarded. Message received, unfortunately.
(Note – Ted remembered this moment incorrectly. Not surprisingly, Barney did not say this – Lily did.)
Full list of quotes after the jump – click “read more” at right for the rest! Continue reading “How I Met Your Mother (& How I Know She Won’t Be Fat)”
Tears fall from my eyes Like bullets into concrete skies Blessed from above, but raining down to meet Chalk outlines of my heart on a precarious street Your scent – waters cool and hemp so high Lingers eternally in my … Continue reading When I Thought You Made Me Whole
Cheating requires closed doors Windows shut tight, curtains closed for the night Padded footsteps across the floor Cheating requires bare walls No portrait reminders of the ties that bind us Empty hotels and shadowed halls Cheating requires hot showers Scrub … Continue reading Cheating Requires
One day about a year ago, a coworker commented that it was “the slowest Monday that ever was”. I’m pretty sure he was right, btw, but that also inspired me to write this poem. It isn’t about anyone in particular…the … Continue reading The Slowest Monday That Ever Was
That was the description/episode title for the premier airing of Lifetime’s new show “Love Handles: Couples In Crisis”. That statement was also the only reason I bothered tuning in. Why would that attract me? Because, unfortunately, I’ve heard similar things before. So I gave this show a whirl, fully prepared to hate and despise the man who uttered that phrase. I do, by the way, loathe him quite a bit. He seems like a jackass who never considered that perhaps his lovely bride never planned on marrying a fat GUY. Apparently the fact that he gained 55-60 pounds compared to her 45 pound gain was not important. He also noted “If Meg gains more weight, the relationship is over.” So, you know, altogether he seems like a peach. I got the impression that he was using her weight as an excuse for not proposing, and was ultimately just sticking with her until a better (ie thinner) prospect came along. But he did propose in the end, so I had to revise my thoughts a bit. (I still think that relationship is doomed, but whatever). Continue reading ““I Never Planned On Marrying A Fat Girl””
