CorinaWrites

Here we are…in a room full of strangers
Talkin’ bout politics…and the issues of the day-ay
Though you may not waaant me to
I’m still gonna taaalk to you
I don’t care what you say!

Talkin’ it up!
On The Barry Gibb talk show
Talkin’ ’bout issues
Talkin’ ’bout, real important issues
Talkin’ it up!
On The Barry Gibb talk show
Checkin’ out politics
In this crazy, crazy tow-ow-ow-own

Talkin’ it up!
On The Barry Gibb Talk Show
Talkin’ ’bout chest hair
Talkin’ ’bout, crazy cool medallions

Click “read more” at right for the full transcript of this sketch :)

Announcer: It’s “The Barry Gibb Talk Show”!

[ the theme song that plays is based off the Bee Gees song “Nights On Broadway” ]

Barry & Robin Gibb: [ singing in falsetto ] “Here we are..”

Announcer: Tonight, Barry’s guests are..

Barry & Robin Gibb: [ singing in falsetto ] “..in a room full of strangers..”

Announcer: ..former California recall candidate Arianna Huffington.

Barry & Robin Gibb: [ singing in falsetto ] “..discussin’ politics..”

Announcer: ..Lt. Governor Cruz Bustamonte..

Barry & Robin Gibb: [ singing in falsetto ] “..and the issues of the daaaayy..”

Announcer: ..author of “Lies & The Liars Who Tell Them:

Barry & Robin Gibb: [harmonizing] “Well, I’m going to talk to you.”

Announcer: ..A Fair & Balanced Look At The Right”, author Al Franken!

Barry & Robin Gibb: [ singing in harmony ] “..though you may not want me to..”

Announcer: And, as always..

Barry & Robin Gibb: [ singing in harmony ] “..I’m still gonna talk to you.”

Announcer: ..Barry’s brother Robin.

Barry & Robin Gibb: [ singing in harmony ]
“I don’t care what you saay.

Talkin’ it up!
On The Barry Gibb Talk Show
Talkin’ about issues
Talkin’ about real important issues.

Talkin’ it up!
On The Barry Gibb Talk Show
Checkin’ out politics
In this crazy, crazy tow-own!”

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! Your host – Barry Gibb!

[ Barry speaks in staccato throughout the sketch ]

Barry Gibb: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Let’s get right to it. This is my show, and this is a non-nonsense show. I’m not gonna take any crap from nobody! [ a beat ] This week’s election. Robin.. did you vote?

Robin Gibb: No.

Barry Gibb: No, you didn’t vote?

Robin Gibb: No, I didn’t.

Barry Gibb: Okay. Arianna Huffington.. you saw this thing from the inside. What effect do you think this is going to have on California politics as a whole..?

Arianna Huffington: Oh, tremendous! Tremendous effect, Barry! You know —

Barry Gibb: You know, you know, you know – let us interrupt for a second.. You know what has a tremendous effect on me? The sound of your grating voice!! Everytime you speak, it feels like someone’s dropping a CAR BATTERY on my SACK!! MY GOD!! Do you ever LISTEN to yourself?!! I’m GLAD you LOST the election!! Agghhh! [ a beat ] Robin? Do you have anything to add?

Robin Gibb: No.. no, I don’t..

Barry Gibb: No, nothing at all? [ continues ] Al Franken. You have the best-selling book, all about the right. What is Gov. Schwarzenegger pro-choice program.. for gun contr-o-o-l, for the Republican pa-a-arty?

Al Franken: Oh, boy! Uh.. well, uh.. that’s-that’s an interesting question! [ chuckles ]

Barry Gibb: Ha ha! Before you get started ,I just want to warn you – I’m not Bill O’Reilly!! You start and SMART TALK with ME, and I will END IT!! I didn’t go to your hasty pudding, “Let’s all dress up like girls” school! I grew up on the streets of SYDNEY!! And no matter where I am in the studio-o-o-o.. I’m never more than fi-i-ve seconds away from a gu-u-unn! [ a beat ] Uh, Robin.. do you have anything to a-a-add?

Robin Gibb: No.. no, I don’t..

Barry Gibb: No, you don’t. How about we sing the next guest’s name?

Barry & Robin Gibb: [ singing in harmony ]
“Cru-u-u-u-uz! Bustamonte-e-e-e-e!
Talkin’ about Cru-hu-hu-hu-huz Bustamonte-e-e-e!”

Barry Gibb: “‘ey.”

Robin Gibb: “‘ey.”

Barry Gibb: You’re still Lt. Governor, right?

Cruz Bustamonte: First of all.. it’s delightful how you say my name, and you sing it like that! Ilove it! I’m a real big fan! When I was growing up, I thought you guys were the greatest band around!

Barry Gibb: Oh yeah, huh? You-you-you thought we.. you thought we were the greatest? You hear that, Robin? We were! WERE!! Huh? [ snaps ] Don’t you EVER talk to me like that AGAIN!! I’M BARRY GIBB!! [ demonstrates a karate kick in the air ] You know what that means?! I put this whole show together! I’m Barry Gibb – I wil PUT you in the GROUND!!Agh agh agh agh agh! [ singing ] “I’ll put you in the ground! I’ll put you in the ground – yeah!”

Robin Gibb: [ singing ] “..in the grou-ound!”

Barry Gibb: “..put you in the ground, me and my brother’ll help me put you in the ground – yeah!”

[ regains his composure ]

Well.. that’s all the time we have. [ singing ] “We.. have.. bee-een..”

Barry & Robin Gibb: [ singing in harmony ]
“Talkin’ it up
On The Barry Gibb Talk Show!
Talkin’ about chest hair
Talkin’ about crazy cool medallions!

Talkin’ it up
On The Barry Gibb Talk Show!
Talkin’ about, hah hah hah!
Talkin’ about hah hah hah..!”

[ fade ]